Social Intelligence – what is it and do you have it? Also known as SI, Social Intelligence is the measure of self and social awareness and one’s response to it And, yes, we all have it.
We may not be familiar with the term, but we execute our social intelligence skills every time we interact in society. Reading others, interpreting the situation, and acting appropriately to achieve positive results is a very basic explanation of what the SI concept is about.
Although SI sounds like a relatively new concept, Edward Thorndike, a Columbia University psychologist, first presented his theory of SI in 1920. He realized there are multiple facets to a person’s intelligence beyond cognitive intelligence or IQ. What a relief! He believed our interpersonal effectiveness, or how we interact with others, also reflects a form of intelligence. Thorndike said, “Social Intelligence is the ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls, to act wisely in human relations.” Many, but not all scientists are onboard with the theory; however, whether you consider it to be a form of intelligence or not, social interaction skills vary from person to person, and definitely impact one’s social standing.
Social Intelligence, sometimes referred to as “people skills”, is about the ability of getting along satisfactorily with others and everything that encompasses. It’s about an awareness of oneself, and an insight to one’s own perception or interpretation of a person or situation, and then how one responds. SI also incorporates a person’s consciousness of social norms and dynamics, interaction styles or options, and strategies that help a person achieve his objective when dealing with others.
Like IQ, Social Intelligence varies with each person. There are many tests that measure where a person falls on the SI scale, and whether these tests are accurate or not is up for debate, but the truth is we really don’t need a test to tell us what our SI is. Instead, take a look at your interactions with others, and based on their outcomes, decide if your skills are high or low. High would indicate success with achieving cooperation from others, while low points to less than optimal interpersonal results. Although interacting with others in a positive way that creates successful results is advantageous across the board, a person with high social intelligence is no better or worse than someone with low social intelligence – they just have different attitudes, motives, interests, and desires. This sounds good, but the reality is this difference usually reflects in the quality of life each has.
How a person comes to having high or low SI is complex, but know that we’re often the result and not the reason. From the moment of birth, we’re inundated with the teachings of others – informal teachings, but, nonetheless, formative. Simply said, we live what we learn, and communication is no exception. So, while our learned behavior may explain why we have the skills we have, it’s not a good excuse to continue living with poor interpersonal skills if they aren’t working for you. Romance, employment, child rearing, personal relationships; almost everyone and everything are adversely affected when we lack healthy and smart SI skills.
So, what can a guy do to improve his people skills and become successful in dealing with others? The good news is there’s a lot, but it takes time, energy, and a real desire to change the engrained thinking and behavior that got you here… so be patient. There is unlimited information online and in books that can help you succeed in becoming more fulfilled through better interpersonal interactions, both socially and professionally. Workshops, seminars, support groups, and SI classes can be found throughout the world. There are also many therapists and psychologists who deal specially with SI if you prefer one on one. It doesn’t matter how you do it – just do it – since learning about Social Intelligence gives necessary insight and understanding to behavior and ways to change it.
Experimenting with new behaviors and strategies may seem unnatural at first, but the positive response you’ll receive from everyone will, hopefully, motivate and encourage you to continue moving forward. Significant improvements to interpersonal effectiveness can be achieved and is accomplished by many successful men everyday.
by Aaron Marino
